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And now, for a slightly revised classic by Yours Truly: 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the venue, Not a creature was stirring, as I read the dessert menu, The decorations were hung on the stage with care, In hopes that the band members would soon be there!
My date and I had just been royally fed, While visions of a good time danced in our heads, And I in my dancing duds and the girl I just met, Had just settled in to watch a four hour set!
When out in a parking lot, there rose such a clatter, I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter, Away to the door I flew like a flash, To see a drummer and bassist, completely smashed!
They were unloading the equipment in the new-fallen snow, From the van, which had traveled all the way from Fargo, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But the rest of the drunken band, all swilling beers!
With a little old manager, so angry and quick, I knew in a moment it must be Nasty Nick, More rapid than eagles his curses they came, And he bitched, and shouted, and called them all names!
"Now, DRUMMER! now, BASSIST! now KEYBORDS! and TRUMPET! On GUITARIST! on SAX! on TROMBONE! and VOCALIST! To the top of the loading ramp! To the top of the wall! Get the equipment inside before you all fall!",
And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door, The slipping and sliding as they fell to the floor, As I gave them a hand and was turning around, I had to wonder at how they might sound!
The lead singer was dressed in leather, from his head to his feet, And his clothes looked very slept in, not at all neat, A bundle of microphones he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack!
His eyes - how they twinkled! I was becoming quite wary, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry, His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, As he took another swig from his bottle of Old Crow!
He was staggering around as the band tuned up, way off key, I laughed when I saw him, in spite of me, With a wink of his eye and a flick of his hand, The group blasted into a tune by some obscure band!
He sang not a word, but went straight to his mic, Hoping he had picked a song the audience would like, Then STOPPED the music just as it was getting noisy, And announced "We're in the wrong club, we're supposed to be in Boise!"
They jumped back in their van, amidst jeers and whistles, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle, But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight, "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
Now, if you have experienced anything remotely near to the above experience, reach back into your memory and send us a story about any of the following. The best will be printed in our February newsletter for all to read. Submit at: news@MusiciansContact.com Here are the categories:
1. Worst or Most Unusual Gig: This can be a job featuring you playing with a group, or it can feature your entire band.
2. Best Gig Ever: Self explanatory. Go ahead, but keep it honest!
3. Weirdest Audition: Again, this can be you auditioning for a group or your entire band auditioning for something.
4. Closest Call To Fame: Most everyone has a story on how they got aced out of fame or fortune.
5. Bad/Best Musician Joke: You`ve heard plenty. Send us your newest or favorite.
All crazyness aside, if you have comments or observations about any aspect of the music business, especially concerning LIVE music and how to increase it, we`d love to hear from you, and so would over 30,000 musicians who receive our newsletter. If it`s important to you, write to us and we`ll print it. Submit at: news@MusiciansContact.com
Happy Holidays from us to all of you, and see ya next year!
Sterling Howard www.MusiciansContact.com 818-888-7879 |
